sigh

I am leaving in 20 minutes to go to my lawyer's office to sign my divorce settlement. I didn't think it was going to be hard to do this. I thought I would feel a huge sense of relief when this legal bickering was over. I envisioned my self gleefully skipping to the lawyer's office with an ear to ear grin. As the moment draws closer I think that scene is unlikely to occur.

The ex picked up the kids from my house this morning, told me that she approved the settlement and all we had to do was sign it, then she started to cry and asked me to hug her. She said that she was sad cause this meant the end of that chapter of our lives. What! The! Fuck? I was flooded with emotions of anger and sadness. It was she who started all of this in the first place, it was she who broke my heart and said all those terrible things about me.

So I am headed out now. Confused, and walking slowly to the lawyers office with some old Pavement songs stuck in my head trying not to reminisce about the time in college, sitting on the front step to her apartment in our shared dormitory, that I discovered my ex also loved Pavement and we then and there made plans to go and see the band perform in Raleigh three months later.